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Home.
It’s a foreign word. Invisible. Home; almost like it does not exist. You remember it, you may see pictures of it, receive emails from it – but in the head it is as distant and imaginary a land as any child may dream up on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Unreachable. When the ‘Groundhog Day’ effect seeps into every portion of your existence- making every day the same over, and over, and over again.
And over. Such distinct dreams and thoughts of home become clouded in the veil of uncertainty that is this place, this time. The only thing real is now. And the only thing now is war.
The war is real now. It was before but is more-so now when it is devouring you; unknowingly at first, but as each day passes you sink deeper and deeper into the mouth of the beast that is war. There is nothing else. Dream if you want, but do so on your own time .
There’s work to be done and we’ve no time for that nonsense now. You’d best erase whatever notions of the life you had once because even though there may be eleven, nine, or six months left on this tour – eleven months is an eternity. Nine months the same. And six just a tease to make you think eternity ends. Time is irrelevant here. Seasons pass, measurements taken in the form of casualties lost, detainees taken, weapons found – but though tomorrow may be your last, any day may very well be your last.
Put your humanity on the shelf; pack it away and hope if you make it out alive it still remains where you have left it. ‘Out of here’. Laughable.
There is no way out of here, once you’re in here, you sir are in for good. The ultimate double-down, playing for keeps. No sir, if you wish to survive this eternity, best erase this pretend notion of this ‘home’ you so speak of.
Treatise penned in my notebook during during lulls in the Surge. Often time men dreamed of home and loved ones to keep motivated and going. For others, accepting that life was now war, and that the only thing now is war, was the only way to keep sharp and remain sane. The desert does strange things to your mind. It is best to do what is necessary to survive.